God Is Merciful

It's the end of my undergraduate college career and I am just as weak as when I began. I did not have any moments of life changing victories. If anything, the impact of my weakness is more egregious now than when I started four years ago. This is not because my sin has become worse. No, I was always this person. This scum bag was always lurking beneath the surface. It is only because of grace that I can now see my sin. I can see the sin that is working in my life. I can see the sin that I must turn away from or it will destroy me. I'm still weak. I've been having more and more thoughts that say to me, "You would have had a lot of fun in those fraternities, drinking and partying and messing around with girls". And I think those thoughts are right. I would have enjoyed those things a lot. A lot. I don't know how I didn't end up in that walk of life. It seems like a natural thing that I'd want to be apart of. It is only because of grace that I was kept from my sin. I was kept from allowing that sin to work itself deeper in my life. I was kept from indulging in my sin and having it destroy me. I hope that God will keep me weak. I hope that he continues to show me my sin. It's deeper than I know. It's going to affect me in ways I never thought it could. But this weakness will not cause me to despair. In fact, if I was not weak, I would have no reason to rely on God. If I was strong, I'd live my life to the fullest, and without God, ultimately be destroyed. May I boast in my weakness. May I hope his strength, for it is made perfect in my weakness.