Have you ever been left out of a get together that all of your other friends were going to? Probably everyone has unless you're the bee's knees (I've heard that phrase way too much lately). And obviously, it isn't a very pleasant experience. I remember whenever I was left out of something, I'd immediately try to have a get together with some of my other friends so that I could get over that lonely feeling as quickly as possible. However, while this may be the best solution for one's sanity and emotional stability, it may not be the right course of action.
This post is sort of a response to Henrik's and one of my other friends has come to me for counsel on this matter of being left out. I felt it last semester, actually. Many of you don't know this about me but I started drinking last summer. It was basically because a group of friends I made drank whenever they got together, so I felt odd not doing the same. And it was addicting. I had a lot of fun when I was intoxicated and I never really got into trouble (didn't drive or anything) so I felt like it all fun and games. It's startling that I had that mindset if you read one of my past xanga entries on how I would never drink. How weak I am.
In any case, this carried over into last semester for a short amount of time. I went out partying with Wes once, which I really regret because I instigated him to sin. And then the day after that, I went to yet another party on my own. That night, I was introduced to the consequences of drinking. I had too much and I threw up for the rest of the night. It was probably one of the most horrible experiences I've ever had in my life. The worst part was that I still didn't feel quite alright after I woke up the next day which is what really scared me. Ever since, I haven't had a drop of alcohol touch my lips, though I'd be lying if I didn't say I had the urge to go party sometimes.
I can pinpoint one exact moment, maybe a couple weeks after this incident when some of those friends (who introduced me to drinking) wanted to go out one night. It was sort of a last minute thing so I was scrounging around for details, hoping to get in on that action. To my dismay, none of them replied to me with info on what they were doing. Of course I felt crappy and left out. Yet I bet all of you can see that God was at work. What good could ever come from God hardening someone's heart (if you've ever had that question)? These friends were hardened against me, not inviting me to go party with them. Praise the Lord! I didn't go out drinking with them that night.
My point is that God continually works for our best. I know that all of you believe in that. So there's no point in being sad when the Lord Almighty is watching out for you.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Dating at a Glance
I know I promised myself and more or less you readers that I would not be thinking about dating anyone for a while. And the truth is that this particular idea is going very well for me. I haven't thought about dating anyone or getting close to anyone in that way for the entire semester thus far. I pray that I continue to remain strong. This doesn't mean that I won't think some girls are pretty or that I won't be excited to feel a connection with someone, but my thoughts of dating are being subdued.
However, I feel compelled to write an entry on my thoughts on dating and how things should be done. It's a pretty simple concept that you've all heard before. Just be yourself. I really can't stress how important that is. For many of you, my involvement with girls has really only come from my mouth. Stories I've told, concerns I've had, tough decisions I was debating on making or not making. But I know at least one reader of this blog can attest to the fact that I know how to get a girl (sometimes multiples). In truth, I don't particularly pride myself on that fact and I remember praying that God would take that ability away from me. I know that may seem insane to many of you, yet I really wished I could revert to my clumsy middle school self sometimes who had no idea what to do when a girl approached him. Even though I might not have said the right thing in this sad, pathetic state, I know that everything I said was genuine and that it was me who was saying it. And that is the whole point. If a girl likes me and I like her after all my fumbling, I'll have a pretty good idea that she likes me for me. If I can make a girl feel special about herself (and trust me guys, it's not too hard to complement someone), I won't really know if we have a true connection.
The only downside to being one's self is that sometimes things won't work out the way you want it to. "Man, I really wanted that girl to be my girlfriend, but she just didn't like who I was in the end and we didn't connect." Obviously, rejection hurts but the thing one has to realize is that it's better not to connect in the beginning. It would have been much worse if hypothetical girl and guy were to start dating for a while because hypothetical guy was a really good sweet talker, but then realize they had no connection. The heart break after that would be much harsher. The truth is that the point is not to win the girl. The point is to win THE girl, am i right? You don't need someone who isn't for you. I've honestly been disappointed after I had no connection with a pretty girl and thought "if only she was more interesting or quirky or enjoyed my sense of humor". Those thoughts are dangerous because I liked the "idea of the girl" instead of the girl herself. You can't change who people are or how they feel.
Well you could argue that you're being yourself and "sweet talking girls is just a part of who I am" and that may be true. But it's not hard to do that. Anyone can sweet talk someone. Anyone can fall in love with someone else. Anyone can be swept off their feet. All you need is the right broom. But what if that broom was just you? And no cheap tricks. That's when you know it's real.
However, I feel compelled to write an entry on my thoughts on dating and how things should be done. It's a pretty simple concept that you've all heard before. Just be yourself. I really can't stress how important that is. For many of you, my involvement with girls has really only come from my mouth. Stories I've told, concerns I've had, tough decisions I was debating on making or not making. But I know at least one reader of this blog can attest to the fact that I know how to get a girl (sometimes multiples). In truth, I don't particularly pride myself on that fact and I remember praying that God would take that ability away from me. I know that may seem insane to many of you, yet I really wished I could revert to my clumsy middle school self sometimes who had no idea what to do when a girl approached him. Even though I might not have said the right thing in this sad, pathetic state, I know that everything I said was genuine and that it was me who was saying it. And that is the whole point. If a girl likes me and I like her after all my fumbling, I'll have a pretty good idea that she likes me for me. If I can make a girl feel special about herself (and trust me guys, it's not too hard to complement someone), I won't really know if we have a true connection.
The only downside to being one's self is that sometimes things won't work out the way you want it to. "Man, I really wanted that girl to be my girlfriend, but she just didn't like who I was in the end and we didn't connect." Obviously, rejection hurts but the thing one has to realize is that it's better not to connect in the beginning. It would have been much worse if hypothetical girl and guy were to start dating for a while because hypothetical guy was a really good sweet talker, but then realize they had no connection. The heart break after that would be much harsher. The truth is that the point is not to win the girl. The point is to win THE girl, am i right? You don't need someone who isn't for you. I've honestly been disappointed after I had no connection with a pretty girl and thought "if only she was more interesting or quirky or enjoyed my sense of humor". Those thoughts are dangerous because I liked the "idea of the girl" instead of the girl herself. You can't change who people are or how they feel.
Well you could argue that you're being yourself and "sweet talking girls is just a part of who I am" and that may be true. But it's not hard to do that. Anyone can sweet talk someone. Anyone can fall in love with someone else. Anyone can be swept off their feet. All you need is the right broom. But what if that broom was just you? And no cheap tricks. That's when you know it's real.
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