Exploring The Idea of Marriage

I'm not going to lie. Relationships and marriage seem to be concerning me a lot more lately, most likely because I think they're more relevant to me now as I'm in my final half of my undergraduate college career. I've been asking my peers on their views and I've gotten a pretty general answer every time: "I really don't know".

There are a lot of views out there but none of us really have anything formulated. I'm going to lay out an idea sparked by Kevin DeYoung's blog a few days ago. He was briefly listing a few things he learned from John Calvin's biography. It says:

"13. Some traditions must change. “He argued for the freedom of the marriage contract and mutual consent of man and woman, a fundamental point he continually defended in his sermons. Consensual engagements were essential; children were not to be forced into unions by their parents” (295)."

Now, DeYoung's point is not focusing on marriage, but that traditions must change. Marriage was merely the tradition that Calvin argued should change. However, Calvin's thoughts made me think about how my peers and I are thinking about marriage. Ever since Pastor Robert's sermon at KCM, the words "contractual agreement" have been ringing in the ears of most guys at our fellowship. The emphasis has been on continual commitment to the relationship/marriage even when "love" dies down between either or both parties. The biggest role model we have for this policy is of course, God's covenant with us. We see this a lot in Genesis, God's covenant with Adam and Exodus with his covenant to the Jewish people. In the end, we see the truest fulfillment of his covenant with man, including the Gentiles, through his Son, Jesus Christ.

So once we're in a marriage/whatever...we need to commit. There are usually no arguments there. It idealizes the love that God has for us, so why would anyone disagree? However, I feel like there is a danger of thinking about it...as just a covenant. Just a contractual agreement. That little bit from Calvin's biography really made me think about how we approach relationships. I've talked with some guys about whether they think a "click" or a "spark" is necessary for a relationship. The answer is always no. There is still in my mind, no. But some used evidence like parents who had arranged marriages that worked out really well, etc. Here, Calvin is taking an opposing stance. Is Calvin wrong?

I'm tempted to say no just because he's John Calvin. I haven't read his biography so I don't know why exactly he pushed this point but I can think of God's love for us as an example of this. Does God love us because he made a covenant with us? Or does his love for us entail the covenant? Which one causes the other? 1 John 3 will tell us that God IS love. While having commitment in the relationship, I don't think we should be so quick to dismiss love. If you have love, the commitment should naturally follow right? Perhaps the reverse is not necessarily true.