The Mysterious Ways of the Lord

Trials and misfortunes are easily one of the most controversial evidences of God's existence in my mind. "If God was so great, why couldn't His plan have been for me to get everything I wanted and be happy and still live in His word? Couldn't the Almighty have some say in doing that?" I don't think many of us would say that out loud anymore but perhaps a thought passes by in our minds when we just can't fathom what possible good could come out of getting a speeding ticket or failing a class in school.

It's at times like those where it seems that God's will is against us. We know we're tiny creatures that can't see what's going to happen down the road. We accept it. But I can't help but feel a little sad and angry over narrowly missing out on an A because of some dumb mistake I made on a test. What good could it possibly have done me to get a B? What good could it possibly have done me to get in that car accident? Now my GPA will be lower and it'll be harder for me to stand out and get a job. Now I'll have to bother my parents with car insurance issues. I'll try to reconcile myself and say, "Well maybe God wants me to work in this one place that I'd normally pass over if my GPA was higher." "Maybe God knew I was going to get in a fatal accident soon so He put me in a small one so I would be more careful from now on."

I try my best to believe in these possibilities yet I know I don't fully. I'm still full of sadness and anger. And though these seem like huge issues to me now, there are huge life events I haven't even been through. I wonder what I would think if my (potential) wife wanted to get a divorce from me in the future. "Why, God? What good could possibly come from this?" At the moment, I can't think of something I could reconcile myself with in that situation. It seems utterly hopeless to me.

I bring up this example because my parents are getting/got divorced. I don't really know the exact situation right now but they don't live together and don't talk with each other. I've talked with them about most of my love interests so I know what they think about the whole thing. And the real truth is that they were just like me when they were younger. The whole emphasis we feel on getting married and living happily ever after was present in their generation as well. How did it feel for them to get a divorce? How did they reconcile it in their minds?

I imagine it was difficult, especially because neither of them are Christians. But perhaps that was why. Because my parents are separated and I live with my father (because he lives in the house that's close to my friends), my mother often calls me to get lunch or dinner with me. And we talk about whatever's going on. She tells me now and again about how mature I've grown to be and that it's almost like talking to a peer these days. Then a couple of weeks ago, I shared the Gospel with her for the first time. And the awesome thing was that she listened. Afterward, she took me back home and I gave her my old Bible to start reading.

To me, even though she is my mother and constantly informs me of how much she loves me, I don't think she would have appreciated me as much if not for her divorce from my father. We would talk but not to the point where she was desperate to know what was going on in my life. I think it's safe to say that she would've taken me more for granted if we were still living together. So in a way, the divorce is what caused her to get to know me more and become more open to my thoughts. In that way, I was able to share the gospel with her.

God took one of the saddest tragedies and worked for His glory despite the trespass of divorce. I've always remembered the metaphor CS Lewis made when describing God's will through trials. Imagine a baby who is comfortable in his/her mother's womb. The baby is doing well, probably even happy that he grew a new finger the other day when all of a sudden, something tries to push him out. He must be frightened, futilely attempting to confine himself to the womb. Perhaps he can feel the cold outside and desperately wants to stay where he is. To him, this is death or something that threatens his way of life. However, the baby is unaware that if he doesn't leave the womb, he'll die. If he continues to lavish in his comfort in the womb, he won't survive (us). It's only through the knowledge and effort of the mother and doctor (God) trying to release him from his prison that he'll continue to live on.